I got sick, I stayed in bed for about thirty four hours... I slept for so long I thought that this was Monday when I woke up. Oddly, after several disturbing but cathartic dreams in which I beat the shit out of several people I know (and a few fictional characters I don't like), I feel fucking great. Which is kind of a waste, because this day is cold and crappy and I don't like it. Nor do I have much to do. I was planning on heading out and filling out a few job apps, but... it's gross out and I only have so many cigarettes with which to raise my spirits.



If Jenny is not still in Canada she should give me a call and we could finally finish off season six of Buffy and I will give her a copy of the comics if she wants them.

Also: finally found places to download comics on the internet? Dude, the years that I have been missing out on X-men are about to be made-up for with interest.

Did you know they made Colossus gay? Also, I've decided that I am sick of Heroes. It was just a replacement for the X-men anyway.

So I was playing golf with Obama, and he was giving me pointers which I thought was ridiculous given that I was beating the pants off of him. So after the game ends and I won we go to the clubhouse for drinks, when there's a nuclear explosion outside and the windows are blown in by the force of the blast. Most everyone goes about their business, and I turn to Obama and say "shouldn't you be doing something about that right about now?" and he says "no, it was supposed to happen."


I think that I might have just predicted a nuclear war. This is documentation, so if it ever happens in the future I get to sue people for copyright infringement if they talk about it.



I lost my library card a million years ago. I can't find any post that I've gotten in the past few months to prove that I live where I do to get a new one. I'm conisdering just ripping the magnetic tabs out of the books I want so that they won't set off the alarm, and then returning them whenever the hell I feel like. Since I know a bunch of librarians, I feel I would be betraying friends if I did that.

In other news, I get freaked out about seeing commercial actors that I recognize from TV shows in actual commercials. I keep seeing this commercial for pizza or something that has the mad scientist from Angel who tried to stop all of time at the exact moment he had an orgasm with his girlfriend. He was also in an episode of Will and Grace. It hurts that I notice these things.



Paintball has failed the cinematic world as the alternative thing for dating people to do in romantic comedies. I took the last watermelon flavored candy from the dish and I am not sorry.
The music video for Lily Allen's version of "Oh my God" would have been better if it included Betty Boop, the penguin waiters, and the octopus bartender from the original Ink and Paint club.

I gained a bunch of weight over the winter. I know that I should start riding my bike in the mornings again to lose it, but I don't feel that I am in good enough shape to be seen on the rail trail, even in early morning light. I don't know what to do about that. You know, it's funny, normally I'm not self-concious at all about my body, except in situations that could improve it.


Turns out this watermelon candy tastes like poo. Now I am sorry.

Reasons I am cool:

Between this semester's reading and viewing list, I already own three of five books and four of six movies I need for classes. Not counting textbooks.


I had a dream that I went to a new school, and I was in a Doctor Who episode, where someone had grown these human-plants that absorbed knowledge straight from any organic source and emitted a hormone that repressed any kind of anger and unhappiness. At first it was cool, but then they started using that hormone to manipulate humans into being their slaves... So Martha and I had to try to destroy the radio tower (I don't really know what its function was) while the Doctor created a formula to reverse the process of osmosis learning the plants had begun.


Come to think of it, that sounds like a very plausible episode. Did I copy it from a real episode? I don't think so...



Oh shit, now I have to suspect my dreams of plagiarism.

I just spent an hour formatting and organizing photos that I was going to post on the internets, only to find that this computer cannot read files off of a CD-RW, so I have no way of getting them from my computer to the one connected to the internet.

Dammit.



I had a dream that I was setting up house in some little area in Washington, and I walked to the market to buy some foodstuffs. On the way, this huge army truck pulling a trailer started blaring a siren and parting traffic. A car swung out in front of it, and the truck stopped quickly, causing the trailer to swing out of the street and towards me. There was a humanoid shape strapped to a backboard and manacled to it, and my first thought was that someone had gotten hurt and they didn't want to wait for an ambulance. Then it started shrieking and moaning, and I saw that it was muzzled and chained in, and I realized that it was a zombie that the army had discovered and was going to try to keep captive and study (I'm very intuitive like that).

When the trailer slid, the captive zombie slid off of the railer and onto the sidewalk, and the army guys all scrambled out of the truck to try to retrieve it, but none of them wanted to approach it because one of the chains had gotten loose and one arm was free.

I had a sudden, very clear thought that if I didn't do something, everything that I had worked for (I think I was thinking about the house I had just moved into, and a family that I knew I had but hadn't seen in the dream) would be destroyed. So I punched one of the soldiers, grabbed his gun, and shot the zombie repeatedly in the head. The head ripped open, and the zombie died, but the soldiers started pulling their weapons and aiming at me, telling me to drop the gun and whatnot. Instead, I grabbed a grenade from the soldier I had knocked down, pulled the pin and lobbed it at the zombie's body, so that I could destroy it completely. The grenade caught on one of the straps close to the zombie's chest, and the soldiers openned fire.

I felt six bullets in my chest and stomach before the grenade exploded, and then one in my head that woke me up. It was weird.



So yeah, meds=funtimes but no sleep for me.


Oh, then I had this dream that I was in someone's dorm at CMU, and that I had just transferred there for the new semester, and my new roommate was Tobias from the Animorph books. He was complaining because my bed creaked, and I am a fitful sleeper, so my turning over in bed kept him up at night. I decided to leave and walked out of the building (I think that it was Merril) and started walking around campus in the dark. I suddenly remembered that I didn't have my key to the dorm yet, and that if I was caught wandering around at night without it I would get in trouble, so I started sneaking around all ninja-like to reach the front desk of my building. I went up to the deskie and asked what room Tobias was in, because I had forgotten my room number, and he asked me for a last name, and I guessed "Green." But there was a Green and a Greene, so I gave up and walked to class (the sun had risen and it was now noon). I ran into Amber and Maria, and we stood around talking for a while, until some guys in one of the dorms near us hung a peace flag out their window and some people started to applaud, while someone near us said "damn liberal kids and their social change." We agreed that liberals were the worst, and decided to go into the dorm and make friends. I lost my shoes on the way in, so i couldn't go into the dorm room once we got there. Then I fell down the stairs and woke up.

Since I was in my new room, and I was half-awake, the mirrored door to my closet looked like a bunk bed in the dim light, so I was really confused for a while as to why Tobias wasn't in bed in the middle of the night. Then I remembered that he doesn't exist. And I don't live on a school campus. And that kind of thing.






In other news, I got my grades back a few weeks ago and I have a 4.0 for the first time in my life. I knew that I could get better grades if I just didn't have to actually attend classes.

So, this morning was the biggest fiasco ever. I got up at seven to get Thomas ready for school, and by the time we were heading out the door I realize how nasty the roads are. Since it wasn't still snowing I had just assumed that they were plowed. At that point, my dad gets up and says "oh, yeah, someone was supposed to tell you that thomas has a snow day today." But Thomas was already up and dressed, both my parents went to work, so I have been watching him since seven this morning.

Maybe I exaggerated a little when I said biggest fiasco ever.







It's not my fault, this is just what my life has come to.

In other news, there is a group "coming out" movement for this christmas. And by group I mean my cousin Anna and me. I'm pretty sure everyone knows, especially since Anna's parents immediately called mine when She came out to them and asked for advice, but Anna is bringing her girlfriend home to meet the fam so it's kind of... official I guess. I just get to be there for immoral support. Unless I meet and seduce the man of my dreams by the twenty-fourth. Or at least someone decent looking who isn't too stupid. Anyone?

I had a dream that I was going to U of M flint, and I was trying to find my way to class with Andrea while the hallways kept turning and I had to help Andrea bleed herself so that she didn't swell full of blood and burst, like that girl in Willy Wonka but red instead of blue.

Then I had a dream where I was talking to Barack Obama, and he was telling me that he was dissapointed in me for some reason, but I didn't seem to understand why, and he wasn't explaining himself, so I told him to fuck off and I left the Oval Office. I feel bad about telling him to fuck off, even in a dream where he was being a douche.

I'm getting a light up penguin for christmas that will dance when I hook it up to my MP3 player! I'm gaining technological accessories!


Also, Repo: A Genetic Opera, in review:

Pretty good. There were several elements of the "opera" that did not lend themselves to film, and I see that the cinematographer had trouble translating some things. Any scene with group coordinated movement, for example. And some of the costumes... were odd. Shiloh wore a nighty that barely covered her bits half the time. Joan Jett showed up out of fucking nowhere, and I don't know why. There were odd bits where people who were not the center of attention did weird things in the background, like Luigi and Pavi dancing during the single mother's spiel in "Testify." And there were a few things that are on the soundtrack that aren't part of the final cut, so I'm hoping that they'll have the full version for the DVD.

However, most of the acting was awesome, there were no majorly bad singers, and the vast majority of the visuals were freakishly good. I can't believe that they had the production budget to do all that CGI with the floating billboards, and the holographic portraits of Marti. And the gore was excuisite, and that is from one whom indulges heavily in the genre. Not just the organs, which were all very good (this is one of the first movies that I've seen the special effects team represent the muscles in the stomache instead of just having the guts just spill out once the skin is split), but the blood spatter and the blood effects were fantastic. Nathan grimacing and slicing repeatedly into a person's living body resulted in blood flecking his face and dripping through his teeth. It was great. And when Shiloh lies in a pool of Mag's blood for a length of time, it is thicker and stringier when she gets up.


All in all, totally worth seeing on the big screen, and I will even buy it, providing the DVD does contain bonus scenes.



Zydrate comes in a little glass vial
(a little glass vial?)
(a little glass vial!)
And that little glass vial loads into the gun like a battery
And the Zydrate gun goes somewhere against your anatomy
And when the gun goes off it sparks and you're ready for surgery
Surgery

So, the medication I take has a side-effect; it causes the person taking it to have very vivid dreams. It does not alter the kind of dreams, or in any way what you are dreaming, it just serves to make everything much more intense. This also makes them much more memorable, so anyone experiencing this will remember much more of their dreams than they had previously. Also, it weakens the body's ability to keep you from moving in the night, so you are more prone to waking up periodically.
So, they put me on anti-seisure medication to prevent me from both seixing and moving in my sleep. They put me on anti-anxiety medication to prevent me from having a panic attack in my sleep (which is not fun to do) and to help prevent nightmarish dreams. This all results in dreams that are so realistic (because the anti-anxiety meds supress my imagination, and because the anti-depressants and the LSD make them feel very, very real) that I am having trouble distinguishing my dreams and reality.
This does not mean that I am unaware that I am dreaming, or that I think that I am dreaming when I am awake. What it does mean is that, at times, I will recall an event or perception that I had during a dream, and without paying too much attention I may accept it as reality.
Example: I had dreamt that I had invited a couple of friends over and we had smoked the hookah in my room. I knew that I only had one coal left for my hookah, and that held in my dream, ergo, while dreaming, I thought about how I was using my last coal. A few days after, I think about inviting Heather to come over and smoke the hookah with me, but I didn't call her because I remembered that I had used the last of my coals, and didn't know where to procure more. I was later looking for something else in my desk drawer, and found the last remaining coal and became quite confused.
Example: This morning I woke up and was very sure that it was Thursday, because at some point during the week I had dreamt about taking my little brother to school in the morning, and that is how I internally keep track of the day of the week. Subsequently I woke my mother up at seven thirty in the morning, because her schedule had her working at seven on Thursday. Waking my mother up for no reason is not a good thing.
Example: I dreamt that I was reading one of the books I had checked out from the library, a book of poetry. My father asked me, later in real life, whether I enjoyed the book, and I said yes, especially the one about the rose and the river. There is no such poem.


Is this enough to actually qualify me as insane? Or do I just need to make sure that I pay more attention to the things that I think that I've done, so as not to make mistakes?

So, I was in an abandoned house that was owned by both my and Maria Pahl's grandparents simultaneously, and I'm running around trying desperately to escape them both. There were a bunch of people cleaning the place up because it was going to be sold. So I decided that I was going to set up a crappy horror movie type murder spree, and I start killing people off. I set traps involving but not limited to nooses made of electrical wiring, blenders in the showers that ate people's feet, dart guns in the air vents, that kind of thing. Eventually I have the two survivors (people that I do not know) in the attic, when one of them cuts their hand and ressurects dracula. He starts chasing all of us around, and at some points turns into chucky, the evil doll from Child's Play. he bites all three of us people on the neck, and we decide to take over the world. We fly around, and find a U of M soccer game in progress. We swoop down and start altering the game to make the team in red win (the other team was wearing black, so make of that what you will) and somehow interference by vampires is allowed within the confines of the rules.
We start collecting things to build a fortress, mostly cars, and start building. Mine is at the bottom of the ocean. I use my magice power to make the water soid and maleable, and start building out of that as well. unfortunately, I run out of water (in the entire planet), and start using earth as well. Eventually our towers combine into one giant thing floating in space, while we grow and grow and start adding more and more shit from around the universe.
Eventually we run out of stuff, and I get bored and decide that we should try to reset the known universe by smashing all the stuff together and re-creating the big bang. We try this, and end up with some huge molten metallic wad of stuff that does not in fact turn into a new universe, it just burns my hands whenever I touch it. So I break it apart, and try mixing the parts in different proportions to see if I can get it to start running. Pretty quickly I give up and start looking for something new to play with.

I think that I have been playing too much Katamari Damacy. Or too much Castlevania. Or maybe just the wrong ratio.

So I was just kind of travelling around, in the part of the dream that doesn't make any sense, when someone pointed out to me this giant butterfly that had huge leaves for wings. I knew that I had to save it from the creepy maggot bugs that were crawling out of the ground, so I ran to this huge belltower and started hitting the bell with a mallet. This stunned the maggots and summoned the butterfly (which was taking on the characteristics of a dragon, too) and I hopped on its back and flew around trying to kill the bugs by wrapping them up in vines and stuff. But they just chewed through the vines, so I went back to the belltower and I climbed off the butterfly/dragon and kind of just hung out there for a minute.
Then, Miss Maria showed up and started explaining to me that I had to help the dragon or else everyone would die, I made a sarcastic remark, and Andrea called me an ass. So I rang the bell again, and this time I confronted the queen maggot-bug. The dragon/butterfly tried to eat it, but it got caught in its throat, so I started hitting the bug with my mallet trying to kill it and drag it out of the dragon-thing at the same time. The bug kind of deflated, and shrank, and ended up right below the bell, so I started ringing the bell over and over, because I knew that the bell would kill it completely. I couldn't get the bell to ring, so Maria and Andrea started doing it for me. The bug shrivelled up and dissapeared.
I was all happy, and about to tell everyone in the world about how cool I was, and then the butterfly (less like a dragon again) ate me. Andrea laughed. So now that I was a part of the butterfly, it could breathe fire, except it was more like a burning liquid than fire... like napalm. Anyway, I started spitting napalm into the tunnels and stuff that the grubs had been coming from and killed them all. The Dragon spat me out and Maria gave me a stick of chapstick that somehow made me all clean and fresh. I followed them to their house, where they dissapeared and Amber and my little brother were there.
They asked me to make them some food, so I put some tacquitos and chicken nuggets in the oven, and then kind of got drunk. The house I was in kept shifting between Maria and Amber's new place, and Maria Pahl's house in Midland, and both the members of the triple V (including Amanda, Erika, et. all) and all of Maria's siblings kind of paraded through at different times. I was stumbling all over the place, but I didn't remember drinking anything, and I was very sure that if I could just find my hidden bottle of peppermint schnapps all would be well.
Unfortunately, I was only in the Pahl's house half of the time, so I couldn't get to Maria and Carrie's closet were I hid it. While in Maria and Amber's place, I lit a cigarette, and was thinking "now that I've lit it, I can go smoke outside where it is windy," But I was so drunk, I kept stumbling into things and falling over and crawling, all while smoking this cigaretter that was as long as a pencil. Mrs. Pahl showed up (while I was still at Maria and Amber's) and asked me to share my cigarette with Mr. Pahl, even though he had quit.
From that point on everyone I met was smoking a cigarette. I finally found my way to Maria and Carrie's room (in the Pahl house) and went for the closet, but everything was organized and clean, so I figured that someone had found my bottle and absconded with it. I went into the living room to ask where it was, and there found Annie and Andrea and Ryan smoking the hookah. I moved to join them, but I tripped and fell on my face on the hookah, I burned myself on the coal, and all three laughed at me.
I think that I woke up just as Annie called me Whoreleen.

It was my Mother's birthday on Saturday, and her bff Mary came over, and they were discussing birth control. They continually asked rhetorical questions of each other that neither had an answer to, until I got sick of it and moved in with a lecture. Mary made me give her my e-mail so that she can ask me more questions as needed.

I now feel like all the hours I spent with the Triple V and associates has really payed off.



So I dreamt that I was going to a family reunion with my grandparents (the crazy ones who call to much), and I had to travel to a large church where everyone was gathering to prepare. I found out that Andrea was related to me somehow, through her father, and so they showed up and I felt bad for exposing Bill to my family. Then, because Andrea was there, so was pretty much everyone I know from Mt. Pleasant, and we were all talking about how innapropriately Amy was dressed for a family function. Then we left the church and went into a large school, and found out that we had all been chosen to be the new stars of 90210. Except that we were superheroes. And all of the older members of the cast were teaching the younger members both how to use our new powers and how to accesorize properly when travelling around Beverly Hills. Suddenly, this villain from the future (who looked like John McCain) came through a portal in time and space and took over the world's computer lines. Then I kind of drifted off and started dreaming about roasting dogs to feed an army...

Dream number one: I find myself travelling to the frigid nordlands to help evacuate an alien community that is about to be demolished by other aliens who are also trying to take over the earth. I turn into a bird and start cropping bombs on the "bad" aliens (I have no idea where the bombs are coming from), and then decide that I don't care anymore so I travel to my old middle school and start flying from powerline to powerline, rigging them up to explode and rid the world of a different alien infestation(I think that I was thinking of yeerks... any animorph fans?). I make that happen, and then I inflitrate the school and start a secret series of classes investingating other alien phenomena and trying to keep aliens safe on earth. I make friends with several aliens (one of whom was a woman who had ruled russia at some point)and began experimenting with dna recombinants and bacteriaphage delivery systems. something goes horribly, horribly wrong, and i release a virus that kills everything. Seriously, everything in the universe dies. So, i pick up samples of various species, and travel thoughout the galaxy collecting other samples of now dead alien life. I start building mechanical components as a part of my own body, using the dna samples to grow biological parts of myself, until my entire body consists of dozens of seperate spaceships with bionic components, travelling from planet to planet trying to seed them with life. Then, a nearby star explodes, and half of my self is fried. I see each cell dying, in detail, trying to transmit the data stored in them to the parts of me are safe. Finally I am reduced to a handfull of burnt out shells, and I fall to earth (the real one) and find out that i was successful in creating new life there, and I take up my mantle as leader of the new dominant species.

I can't believe that I have actually spent the last two nights sleeping... I feel off-balance being on the same schedule as the rest of the planet for a change. Or maybe that's the nightmares.


I woke up like four times from nightmares last night. And the funny thing is, they were all ridiculous, totally not terrifying things, too... I had one dream that I was being attacked by this giant bug that was something like a stuffed horse with fly wings... and by giant I mean about the size of my palm. It was not dangerous or particularly threatening, but I was very concerned that it would bite me, and I was absolutely incapable of turning my back to it... then I woke up and threw my pillow across the room to knock it out of the air before I remembered that it didn't exist.


I find it odd that I dream in vivid color, sensation, smell, and taste, but almost never in sound.


Whatever. I've been up since five, and I am pumped and ready to face the day... and by that I mean yell at my financial aid advisor.

Besides the fact that I actually spent the night sleeping, I had this amazing dream...



I was walking around near my old elementary school, and I ran into Dennis Lennox, and he called me a fag... so I punched him and I asked him to apologize. He didn't, and he continued to call me fag and queer and other terms that I remember surprised me at the time but I can't really remember them any more... and I kept hitting him, just brutally beating him with my fists, and finally slamming his face into the sidewalk until his skin was torn and hanging off of his face, and blood was bubbling out of his lips as he continued to tell me that I was an immoral hippy and I should be shot... so I just kept hitting him, and stomping on his head, until I got sick of it and I attacked him with my knitting needles that I just hapenned to have on hand, and I stabbed him in the back and then in the neck... and he died.









This is the most violent dream that I can ever remember having, but I woke up feeling really good this morning.

I just remembered this really weird dream that I had, and I wanted to put it here, for all to see, and let the world bask in a peek into my mind:


My sister told me that when I knit a fluffy pink scarf, it looked like I was knitting a baby (it was that kind of pink). I guess I took that to heart.

I dreamt that I was in a cave, sort of... I was underground anyway. And I was a creepy-style magician, or sorcerer, or something... anyway, people kept coming to me with their weird problems. I don't remember any of them but one, though. Two gay men came to me and wanted me to give them a child that was genetically both of theirs.

I thought for awhile, and got out my knitting needles. I then tied them to the walls (more like in dungeon style, with their arms bound at the wrist over their heads). I then tore the flesh from their torsos, but only partly, so it was still attached. I started to knit their flesh together into one thing. Casting on was a bitch, because the chunks of flesh were kind of irregular.

As I knit, the flesh that tore from their bodies became more regular and thin, like yarn. It started to pull threads of intestine and muscle, bits of bone and nerve tissue and stuff, until I had this wad of living matter in front of me. Eventually I started pulling veins from their bodies, and the mess I was knitting started to beat in time with their hearts.

I bound off the thing, and then I cut their chests open and took peices of their hearts and set the thing living. They healed almost instantly after that, and they started freaking out about how much it had hurt, and I yelled at them about childbirth being paionful as a necessity, or something like that...

The end result was they left my cave with a squaling baby, and one of the fuckers stole my knitting needles.







No matter how many times I think about it, the fact that they took my tools is the weirdest part.