I'm working pretty hard to convince my neighbours that I have Tourette's. I think that I spelled that wrong, but it's a name so I don't care.

I took one of those online personality tests, the personal DNA one, and got a read for my facebook. It tells me that I have no femininity and my masculinity is 100%. Nice.

So, I might be studying Women's Issues professionally now, instead of just for fun... I think that the lady who runs the program likes me, so this should work out nicely. Now if I can just get another obscure major I'll be a hobo for sure.

I'm watching the Launchcast on this computer, but I have to actually look at the window every time a new video starts, or else it won't refresh itself... it's a lot of fun.

If I had heard this song a year ago I don't think that I ever would have recovered from the whole David fiasco... Music has that kind of power over me.

Is it odd that I define my personality in how it is changed by music?

My day so far: waking up, putting on the clothes that smell freshest, and drinking coffee in the women's studies office... to prepare myself I listened to the most anti-feminist music I could find on my MP3, which was of course Rufus Wainwright and Amy Winehouse. I had to gird my loins against what I assumed to be a deluge of man-hating Women's lib. bitchery, but it turned out that there was just Andrea, the director of the Women's studies department, and me. We talked about cartoons.

I need a new obsession. Now that I'm over David (no, really this time) I have a void in my life that the stalker deep in my soul needs to fill.


You'll have to excuse me,
I know it's so off
I love when you do stuff
that's rude and so wrong
I go up to my room,
turn the stereo on
shoot up some you
and the you is some song

It's like I'm your lover,
or more like your ghost
I spend my day wondering
what you do, where you go
It's almost like loving,
sad as that is
It may not be cool,
but it's so where I live

See us winter-walking
after the storm
It's chill in the wind
but it's warm in your arms
stumble snow-blind,
may not be true
but we've all got our junk
and my junk is you


Completely out of order, but it looks pretty. Is there anything better than a pathetic crush and on-stage masturbation? I submit that there is not.




Heroes starts again next week. I might just die.

I noticed that David's name takes up a ridiculous majority of my tags.

Link: The Your Best Addiction Test written by andyk_1964 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

So here's teh deal: remember how I got all excited because my family got a computer so i wouldn't have to go to the library every other day to do anything fun at all?

Guess what!?

Surprise, it doesn't work the way it ought to, because for some reason the firewall won't install correctly or something. I told my dad to get a mac...

Anyway, until it is fixed, I have severely limited access to the interwebs and no ability to IM at all. I'm thinking about lugging Compy upstairs just so that I can chat with people who A: aren't Maria B: aren't Maria's family (no offense to either group, but I need more variety) and C: understand the complex emotional undertones that can be added to the phrase "oh nine." Yes, Triple V, I mean all of you.

I stole Itchy's hat by accident, because having his mother and me remind him seven or eight times to check each room for stuff he may have forgotten apparantly translates to "go ahead and forget your hat that is hanging IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING WALL" in Yiddish. Now I have to mail it. The upside? I have his address. I'm thinking that I'll give him the carcass of Haythia once I skin it... I'll tell him it's a baby.



That was kind of sick, actually.


Anyway. I probably won't get a chance to udate much... on anything. My Grandma wants to buy mixing bowls, so that is one more thing off the list, nescafe?

So at first I was just going mildly crazy. Talking in my sleep... forgetting what day it was, blanking out for hours on end... but it has progressed.

A few days ago, I studied much off the night.

Okay, i glanced through the book while watching late-night cartoons and playing games on my Compy all night. I swear, all night, I was up in the main room of my dorm.

My Roommates swear I went to bed at about ten, and slept through the night. All three of them do.

Then, i found a handful of posts on OKCupid that I don't remember posting. They sound like me, but I swear to god I had never posted there before.




Anyway, i went to BW3's last night with my roommates to watch the Wings game (which blew, we lost 2-0). I ended up sitting back to back with a guy I slept with last year. Itchy kept trying to talk to them, because he was beating them in video poker, while I tried to disappear into my seat. then I started beating them in the trivia game, and had tto restrain my naturally tendency to gloat.

They told me as a joke that they only brought me as a means to hit on women after drawing them in with my gay as a lure. I thought it was a joke, but it turns out that the accountant got a phone number from one of the sorority girls we were sitting near, who told me how cute my hello kitty notebook was.

I said something awful about how Itchy has the gay potential, but he needs his pump primed... and then i slit my wrists because it was just that bad.



Then there was tabling and all of the shinoligans entailed there, but I'll let Andrea relate that one.




I like to think that all gay men are like Jimmy, in that we play with dolls and run trashy salons but getting snakes tattooed to our faces turns us into killing machines.



I met him out for dinner on a friday night
he really had me working up an appetite
he had tattooes up and down his arm
theirs nothing more dangerous than a boy with charm
he's a one stp shop,
he makes our panties drop
he's a sweet-talkin' sugar-coated candy man

When I am around him I'm all bothered and hot
and when he hits my mouth he really hits the spot
lips like sugar cane
good things come to boys who wait
he's a one stop shop with a real big cock
he's a sweet talkin' sugar-coated candy man

It does.




And I love it.


I love it good.










So Itchy greeted me in an unusual manner.


I was introduced to his parents. Before I could stop myself, I sais "oh, it's nice to meet the mishpokhe."

Silence.




His parents quickly left after that.

Once they were out the door, he grabs my shoulders and pushes me against the door, and says, "you know what speaking in yiddish does to me."











Now, it wasn't ridiculous because I want to have sex with him but he was initiating the contact. Nor was it ridiculous because he is a total bottom. It was ridiculous because at that moment his mother came back up with a bag he had left in the car.

This girl, in my sex discussion group, her name is Alana, seems to want me. Either that or she is much more devious than she seems to be. She works at La Senorita, and all through dinner on saturday she gave me weird looks, and then on Wednesday she sat next to me and actually made conversations.

Andrea's analysis:

Joe- she kept making weird faces at me... and not good faces...

Jess- CONFUSION?

Joe-...

Andrea- Like he's a peice of meat faces!

Joe- yeah... Which is weird...

Jess- Por qui?

Joe- She knows that I'm gay... and it's not like I'm a choice cut!



All- Laughter.







Joe is queasy just thinking about it.



Last night, while I was using the interwebs associated with the library to talk to Sears, This random IM pops up. it starts talking to me. At great length... and it seems to know who I am and knows things about me. It is Sam Bradley's roommate, I discover at length, so I make the natural assumption and think it is some girl from Midland that I have forgotten about. "She" mentions that she has had little sex drive since "she" broke up with "her" boyfriend. I say, making a sexist joke in the hopes of driveing "her" away: "That's just because you don't have a penis to enhance your hormones."



A moment of silence...

"she" says: "... Yes I do."

Whoops.









Turns out it's this guy that I was put in contact with forever ago by a friend, that I haven't spoken to in a really long time, and had all but forgotten about.
He makes a joke about me sucking him off and solving both our problems. I decide that I am not about to be out-inuendo-ed by anyone else, so I take the joke many steps further. He seems frightened, and who could blame him, I'm terrifying.


I think that I took it too far, though, because after a few minutes he suddenly flipped and acted like he was taking it all very seriously. I think that I accidentally agreed to a date.


He called my dorm before I had returned. Then he called again about a hlaf-hour later while I was in the shower. He hung up before Itchy could give me the phone.



Now what?



Oh well.





In other news, Scooter spent several hours in bed with some girl that I don't know. I accidentally walked in on them. I thought that they had both left long ago.


BUT I DID NOT PANIC!

I calmly grabbed my coat, my gloves and my scarf, my cigarettes, because after that I was going to need them, and calmly left the room and calmly closed the door.



Then I began seizing uncontrollably. The Accountant and Itchy were brushing their teeth. The Accountant was concerned. "what happened?" he inquired.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"It must have been pretty bad; I've never seen a gay man drop his knitting before."


I have a marginally increased respect for him after that joke.

Ahmed has a livejournal! He posts nothing, but he will read mine! Hoorah!

So...



In the course of a night, I have learned how to knit tubes, insulted Maria, Kent, and Christine (in the form of telling her how much I wanted her), saw Fifty's breasts, eaten about three cups of sugar (A full container at Little Chef), and kissed Itchy.




All in a night's work.

So we all know my roommate Itchy. Well, last friday I was sitting in the living-room, minding my own business and watching the final episode of "the Nanny" when I hear Itchy in his room. "Funny," I think to myself, "I didn't realize that he was in there." After a moment I begin to here voices coming from his computer. "I recognize one of those voices," I think, "I wonder what movie he is watching." I sit quietly and think for a moment, trying to remember where I know that voice from.



It hits me: The voice is Sean Cody. Itchy is watching gay porn in the next room.


About a half hour later (the porn shut off after about five minutes) he emerges from his room to go to class, looking much more relaxed than he had earlier that morning.


I say nothing.


Two or three hours later, he returns. I am sitting on the couch, watching what I think was that True Life show on MTV. It had gay people in it, anyway. Itchy asks me, "why do you feel the need to watch things with Gay People in it all the time? Isn't it enough that you are gay?"


I pause. I state, "well, I guess it gives me a sense of connection to the gays at large, instead of the relatively small number here in Mt Pleasant. Then again, if I'm watching Sean Cody PORN I'm only watching to get off."


His face freezes...
It was awesome.


So we ended up talking for quite awhile about things: he is bisexual and out to his parents and to the Accountant, but not the world at large (this doesn't count as telling) and the reason he hadn't siad anything at the beginning of the year was because he hadn't wanted to create any kind of tension between the two of us or with him and Scooter, with whom he was sharing a room at the time. While trying SO HARD to restrain my giggles, i invited him to the GSA (I doubt it), and end the conversation along the lines of "if you ever need to talk, I'd be happy to talk to listen, or I know actual bisexuals that you could talk to."


He seemed to consider it.



I then had to leave the room, because it was too hard not to burst out laughing.

My Computer still hates me. I am crying on the inside.



I wanted to mention that at the Vox Rox I was the only person willing to approach the stage and flash Vanessa.



I wore my stoner sweater for the first time in months today... and now that I have started to do laundry, I changed into my jeans with all of the holes... I look like a bum, but I caught sight of myself in the mirror and I am actually pleased with the over-all effect. the pants make my ass look good and the baggy shirt is fun and weird.













Itchy talked to me again about his body hair. Someone save me.

I just added a friend, so I feel obligated to update my life so as not to leave her out of the loop...


Saturday was cool. VOX rox at the Kaya was lots of fun, I liked hearing Amy be the MC, and hearing about Vaginas was... kind of useless for me, but whatever. I liked the monologues, except the childbirth one, because let's face it, babies should all be thrown off of the roof when they happen. But hearing Margerate Cho's counterpoint made it all better.

If nothing else, the Vox Rox gave me time to work on my scarf and be a geek when Chelsea started talking about Mika.

After the concert was the party... but it was by many levels more low-key than any of the other parties held at the same locale. The wrestling was a frill, not the highlight of the evening, and I maintain that is because Amy and I chose not to partake. She left earlier. I cried a tear on the inside.

Of course there was drinking, and of course there was Sex Jenga, and of course I went home with a hickey and a bite-mark, both from Amy. I'm so sick of being celibate. everyone either left or went to bed around three- Maria to Kristen's room (surprise) and the gay boys to have an orgy on Jayme's floor; except for me, who decided to sleep on the floor of the living room with the straight boys for two reasons:

1 there were four gay men left by the end of the evening, none of whom were interested in me and none of them interesting to me.

2 I didn't trust myself moving up the stairs.

I did wake up in the middle of the night with a straight guy spooning me, though...

8:30 wake-up, for some reason feeling better at the point of conciousness than I had in weeks. Go figure. Reverse hangover. Chocolate pancakes, crappy Disney Channel programming, an awkward car-ride with Maria and Kristen, and then the return to the dorm, where my roommates were still sleeping.

Once he had woken up, my roommate commented on my hickey. He seemed dissapointed when I let it slip that it came from a girl, but perked up like a Jack Russel Terrier when I related several choice bits to Maria over the phone... I didn't have the heart to tell him that I was talking about a book I was reading, not my life.

I have finished my scarf, which is good, because there is now a windchill factor of
-30 or something ridiculous like that. Ricockulous even.

Ithought it was just a physical attraction, but I'm starting to think that it's a dangerous crush...


He asked me to watch the football game and I seriously considered it for a moment.


Someone fucking cure me. Or start a betting pool on whether I A:nail my roommate by the end of the year, B:do something hugely innappropriate and end up kicked out of my dorm room or, C:stew on it for the rest of the semester and chalk it up to quiet repression.






















I'll give myself 1:3:15 odds.

I went to all of my classes dressed for Halloween, as is my want. I was a fairy. I was the only person I saw dressed for the holiday.



I don't think that anyone got the joke.


I tried calling Micheal again, and he didn't pick up. I'm starting to get kind of pissed. If I have to confront him in public and throw down in front of the entire GSA I will do that. I wouldn't mind if he isn't interested in seeing me again, but having some kind of communication to that effect would be nice.






My hot Jewish roommate was a doctor for Halloween, and he dressed up for the hall dinner party in scrubs and a stethoscope. I didn't know what to do with myself, it was so sexy. Scooter danced the Time-Warp. In front of everyone. With no rhythm at all. He's ruined Rocky for me.























Tonight I will learn from Jess A: how to set up a sex filter and B: how to make a livejournal pic. I want one that's really cool... like a Pokemon or something. Maybe a sexy FF7? Oh the possibilities.