Um, wait, the fuck?

Dorm.

2009-09-22T21:53:50Z

Things I am re-learning about living with boys:

Pants are optional. Always. This means potential full frontal nudity between the actual bedroom and the bathroom.

Related to that last, even if another guy has seen your penis, you should still tell exaggerated lies about its size.

You never go to sleep at the same time as the person you share a room with. I don't really know why.

Whomever alters the fan, opens the window, or takes control of the remote first goes unchallenged unless the challenger is clearly older and bigger.

Sexual innuendo is not okay. Explicit comments about sexual acts are expected and encouraged.

Things that my roommates have yet to learn:

Pissing with the door open is okay.

If someone is in the shower and someone needs to piss, the bathroom can be shared.

If you are going to masturbate while someone else is in the dorm, at least do it quietly and minimize the sound of the bed squeaking.

Things I need to remember:

If you decided to do an image search of John Bobbitt's re-attached penis, turn off your screen or close the window before leaving for a few hours.

Try not to criticize what your roommates are wearing out on a date unless they ask you to.

If you have control of the clicker, always always ALWAYS force your roommates to watch something painfully homoerotic or mind-numbingly dull.

dear sweet mother of god

2009-09-04T15:49:06Z

Holy crap, school started, didn't it? And now I have a job? Where did all this shit come from?

School is... odd. half of my classes are boring and the other half are really interesting. My roommates don't bother me but they bore me. I've done laundry about once since I got here.

I'm thinking of walking down to get some yarn or something... Or maybe I'll just nap because I've been getting up ridiculously early these days and someone should put a stop to that before I become a real boy. It's possible that I had a minor stroke because I keep typing ws instead of ss.

I read an article about a lake that had a demon living in it that killed a bunch of people a long time ago and then everyone around it turned up dead one day. It turns out that there was a volcanic vent beneath the lake that released massive amounts of CO2 into the water, but stayed pressurized in the water until the sudden release of it all could actually drown just about any animal in the vicinity. This is why you learn about myths. They will teach you to stay away from things that will kill you.

I'm trying to learn not to swear as much, because I offend my mother and because I now have a job that requires me to speak to people in a non-offensive manner. God save us all.

blaaaaaaaaah.

2009-08-28T18:02:48Z

Whooooooo job interview I'm so pumped.

Classes are half boring and half interesting, meaning that it'll be about halfway through the semester before I start skipping my classes in a big way.

I'm wearing that sweater vest Mrs. Pahl gave me and it's kind of itchy but I don't have anything else that looks professional.

Been watching Buffy. Again. Does anyone want to come play Nintendo monopoly? I'll even let you be the DK barrel, if I can be the iron boots.

victorthesage @ 2009-08-15T23:05:00

2009-08-16T03:07:40Z

Nothing else in my room has broken or gone flying through the air (except for the things that I have broken or thrown, that is) yet. I'm pretty disappointed.

Cookout with Maria's fam=aweseome, ate way too much, drank way more too much, went to see Meredith and had fun there too.

Good times.

The most surreal thing ever to happen.

2009-08-13T14:45:04Z

So I'm sleeping. That happens. I've been asleep for a little bit, maybe an hour, when I wake up because I hear glass shattering (very loudly) next to my head.

SO, of course I'm fucking terrified, and I flip our of bed and fall on the floor and stumble and flail until I can turn the light on. At first I don't see anything wrong, because my first thought is that a water glass fell off my desk and broke or something, and that's what I'm looking for. I start to think that maybe I just imagined it, when I see this:

That is a glass bowl, split in half.

FOR NO FUCKING REASON.

It did not fall from any place, it did not move anywhere, There was no source of heat, nothing.

And it's not like it was a thin, delicate thing. It was heavy, solid chunk of glass.

As a result of all this, I am freaked out, I keep imagining that I see things moving out of the corner of my eye, and I can't sleep in my room anymore.

I need to call an exorcist.

Yeah, I'm so hired.

2009-08-11T23:38:56Z

I had a job interview today, I'm pretty sure that it went well, even though it was hella short. I had to get my mother to drive me to Mt. Pleasant, because I'm lame, and she said she'd pick me up in abut a half an hour. I was in the store for about three minutes. So I spent the next twenty-seven minutes walking around. I walked to Calkins to see how long it took to get between the two (about nine minutes). I'm getting a call tomorrow.

I hate Seinfeld with a fiery passion.

There is a meteor shower tomorrow, and I want to watch it.

It's like... what's that song? Moronic.

2009-08-08T19:25:25Z

I spent all Thursday in Mt P applying for jobs all over the place, and it was pretty depressing because about three in four of the places I went to just weren't accepting applications. So I felt like it was mostly futile, until the person I talked to at the Grand Traverse Pie Company got really excited that I could work on Mondays and Wednesdays, and they called my house before I even got home to ask if I could come in for an interview. I am mildly excited by this, mostly because it's a chance to work around pie all day.

Seriously, what could be better?

Shark week, that's what. Have you ever watched that stuff? It's awesome. There is nothing not-cool about watching great white sharks burst out of the water and twelve feet into the air while catching seals. Especially when they have underwater cameras set up so that you see this gigantic shark looking out of the sea and fucking eat your face. It is intense. Especially when Dr. Rocky Strong is narrating the entire thing (I shit you not, that is his name, and he studies SHARKS for a living).

Packing for school, finally sorting through bags of clothes that have been sitting in my closet for a year and a half. I have a lot of crap.

Trying to limit myself to one box of toys. Don't know if I'll make it.

Writer's Block: Do Not Open Until 2059

2009-08-03T11:25:31Z

If you were to make a time capsule today to be opened in 50 years, what would you put in it?

View 505 Answers

Probably the last time capsule I made in elementary school and forgot about. I think that it's buried somewhere in the backyard of the house I used to live in then.

Yeah, well, you know, it happens.

2009-07-31T20:57:36Z

So, I haven't updated in about three years, and now that a bunch of other people are re-animating their livejournals, I feel obligated to do the same. This is difficult because nothing ever happens.

I'm going back to CMU in three weeks, and feel really good about living in the dorms, next door to Andrea's sister. One of my roommates is gay. I'll either kill him or sleep with him. One of my roommates started a republican student group in his high school. I will either kill him or sleep with him. One of my roommates has not responded to my e-mails.

I've finally figured out how to A: clean up my hard drive to remove old crap and B: condense the movies and shows that I only watch sometimes so that I can continue to download NEW crap to rot my brain with because my internet connection isn't fast enough to use things like Hulu very well.

I've been wasting the summer applying for jobs and going to job interviews that end up going nowhere. I have been staying home and not making plans to leave and visit people so that I can be here to find a job, and nothing has come of it. This makes me surly. I feel like I should have just slept all summer for all the good job searching has done me.

Coffee is everything.

The next three weeks are looking up. Maria is in town, I've given up looking for jobs in Midland, and the bug bites I've collected on my feet are finally going away.

I've been reading a webcomic called "The World Wasn't Meant." It's funny sometimes.

Last night I was watching Scrubs with Maria and I heard a song that I had been looking for for about forever, but had forgotten all the words so I couldn't find it. I now have it on my computer and have been listening to it on repeat for a while. I figure it's only a day or two before I'm sick of it.

victorthesage @ 2009-05-16T19:29:00

2009-05-16T23:30:43Z

GAAAAHHHHH what the hell does he think he's doing!?

victorthesage @ 2009-05-14T11:01:00

2009-05-14T15:01:27Z

Militant Vegans
Circle I Limbo

Creationists
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Scientologists
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

General asshats
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Jerry Falwell
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

The Pope
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Osama bin Laden
Circle VII Burning Sands

George Bush
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Republicans
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

back to reality

2009-04-07T13:20:39Z

I got sick, I stayed in bed for about thirty four hours... I slept for so long I thought that this was Monday when I woke up. Oddly, after several disturbing but cathartic dreams in which I beat the shit out of several people I know (and a few fictional characters I don't like), I feel fucking great. Which is kind of a waste, because this day is cold and crappy and I don't like it. Nor do I have much to do. I was planning on heading out and filling out a few job apps, but... it's gross out and I only have so many cigarettes with which to raise my spirits.

If Jenny is not still in Canada she should give me a call and we could finally finish off season six of Buffy and I will give her a copy of the comics if she wants them.

Also: finally found places to download comics on the internet? Dude, the years that I have been missing out on X-men are about to be made-up for with interest.

Did you know they made Colossus gay? Also, I've decided that I am sick of Heroes. It was just a replacement for the X-men anyway.

what if is a dangerous phrase.

2009-04-03T13:28:49Z

Washing-direction tags: If you draw all of them on your washing machine in pigs blood, and proceed to wash the garment in question, the machine explodes and opens a portal to a horrible hell dimension where Sarah Michelle Geller will hit you with her little stick arms FOR ALL ETERNITY.

Or, the jeans are altered to fit you perfectly. I'm not sure.

victorthesage @ 2009-03-31T16:58:00

2009-03-31T21:00:07Z

TARDIS NOW TARDIS ALWAYS!

abitagibiteewobiteewot

2009-03-29T23:01:42Z

I saw that monsters versus aliens movie and I laughed abut six times. I was the only one laughing each time because the jokes went over the heads of the children and mid-western parents watching the movie (like the cracks about global warming).

I now have three seasons of Buffy on the computer. four more to go. plus five of Angel. I have a full life.

Carrie is a whore who does not call people when she is supposed to. I thought that the world should know.

foreboding?

2009-03-20T16:23:16Z

So I was playing golf with Obama, and he was giving me pointers which I thought was ridiculous given that I was beating the pants off of him. So after the game ends and I won we go to the clubhouse for drinks, when there's a nuclear explosion outside and the windows are blown in by the force of the blast. Most everyone goes about their business, and I turn to Obama and say "shouldn't you be doing something about that right about now?" and he says "no, it was supposed to happen."

I think that I might have just predicted a nuclear war. This is documentation, so if it ever happens in the future I get to sue people for copyright infringement if they talk about it.

I lost my library card a million years ago. I can't find any post that I've gotten in the past few months to prove that I live where I do to get a new one. I'm conisdering just ripping the magnetic tabs out of the books I want so that they won't set off the alarm, and then returning them whenever the hell I feel like. Since I know a bunch of librarians, I feel I would be betraying friends if I did that.

In other news, I get freaked out about seeing commercial actors that I recognize from TV shows in actual commercials. I keep seeing this commercial for pizza or something that has the mad scientist from Angel who tried to stop all of time at the exact moment he had an orgasm with his girlfriend. He was also in an episode of Will and Grace. It hurts that I notice these things.

Paintball has failed the cinematic world as the alternative thing for dating people to do in romantic comedies. I took the last watermelon flavored candy from the dish and I am not sorry.
The music video for Lily Allen's version of "Oh my God" would have been better if it included Betty Boop, the penguin waiters, and the octopus bartender from the original Ink and Paint club.

I gained a bunch of weight over the winter. I know that I should start riding my bike in the mornings again to lose it, but I don't feel that I am in good enough shape to be seen on the rail trail, even in early morning light. I don't know what to do about that. You know, it's funny, normally I'm not self-concious at all about my body, except in situations that could improve it.

Turns out this watermelon candy tastes like poo. Now I am sorry.

project

2009-03-18T17:50:22Z

I've been taking all of these random photos from around town, making a journalistic effort to capture the soul of my home-life? People keep giving me weird looks when I snap pictures of my neighbors from behind trees. Now all I need is to be homebound with a telephoto lens and I can finally be that crazy guy from that movie I saw when I was five.

My favorites so far? The bush decorated with beer cans from across the street and the the one of some guy fishing off the Tridge.

*edit: I tried to post those pictures in this entry, but I can't get it to work... It will happen later.

victorthesage @ 2009-03-13T20:35:00

2009-03-14T00:36:03Z

So there is this guy who was on Jeopardy who had this intense forehead, like it looked fake like he was one of the vampire extras on Buffy like freakin' whoah his forehead was intense.

I thought that you all should know.

make-work and dull play makes joe not-awake.

2009-03-10T19:53:19Z

bored bored bored bored bored fucking bored

Thomas is faking sick again, which means I'm stuck watching him all day long while I wait for the first two seasons of Buffy to download.

This is one of those awesome days were I didn't get any sleep and I have no oppurtunity to rest and food makes me nauseous and there's a good chance that I'm sleepwalking or something similar. And I swear that I've seen this same damn episode of "Yes Dear" eighteen damn times but the kid will not let me change the channel to anything else BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

yin and yang

2009-03-09T00:42:42Z

It's funny how life rewards you for slogging through shit... like how I have to wait for an half an hour of King of the Hill (the worst show in television history) to be over to get to the goodness that is Family Guy.

Awesome? And awesomer, friend.

2009-03-04T00:24:12Z

Awesome: fun weekend with the Triple V and some scary old guy that I didn't know.

Awesomer: Five nights running I've dreamt of making out with Lindsay.

and yadda yadda yadda I'm single again.

2009-02-26T21:37:28Z

I'm going to law school. For sure. I have a great GPA, phenomonal scores on the practice LSATs, and the desire to bitch and argue as a career. Take that, bitches.

I dreamt that I was one of the potential slayers all hanging out in the world, and then for some reason all the slayers available were activated all at once (this stems from a conversation that I had about the way slayers work with jenny) and I started fighting evil with Jenny as my sidekick. For some reason this led me to make out with that hot lawyer who lost his arm in Angel. Then I think I started to blow stuff up, but it gets fuzzy at this point because I was semi-conciously trying to return to making out with that Lindsay guy, so the dream sort of dissolved.

ALso, i have updated my list of women with whom I would have sex to include Eliza Dushku, not just because of the whole Faith thing but also because of Bring it On.

victorthesage @ 2009-02-20T15:24:00

2009-02-20T20:25:15Z

I have been craving some spicy garlic wings for weeks... anyone want to go get drunk at BW3's?

victorthesage @ 2009-02-17T17:55:00

2009-02-17T22:55:28Z

I wonder what Bush has done since he left office?

victorthesage @ 2009-02-16T13:09:00

2009-02-16T18:13:46Z

SO, the Gentlemen=creepy as fuck, if I do say so myself. Nothing should move like that. Ever.

Jenny came over saturday, we watched Buffy and Angel, ate tacos, drank a few beers. She left her DVD remote. The usual.

I did not, in fact, lose a tooth today. They decided that they could just fill the crack after all without hitting the nerve and causing tooth death. Yay for me. Now I have a monster filling in the very back of my head.

Do we all remember Super Mario RPG? because I had never played it before. Ever. But it pretty much rocks on toast.

Season 2 of Dexter downloaded, pretty much great. That gives me, oh, a day before I wish I could download the rest of it.

My face is all numb and I keep biting my lip for no reason.